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Muff Diver

from Danthology Volume 1 by Dan Abbott

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about

(sigh) What can I say? I was 15 and still a unclear about the details of romance or really, human interaction. I was pretty consciously aping a song called "U Stink (But I Love U)" that was on a Flexidisk that came with the "Billy And The Boingers Bootleg" collection of Bloom County. Man, that record was great.

lyrics

Scruffy, scruffy muff
She dared but she was bluffing
Now I’m going in there all alone
It’s my job I thought I told you
I found it dark & moldy
When will I learn to leave that scruffy muff alone?

When I began this I would never hesitate
But when I stabbed her she would sometimes bleed
Now I think I’m a little wiser
Last time I almost died
Now I think and sniff around before I try to breed

Scruffy, scruffy muff
That mound was kind of rough
A crash helmet helps when you are thrown
Our lips are green and I’m quiet
I don’t much enjoy this diet
Next time I’ll sniff and work my fingers to the bone

When I began this I would never hesitate
But when I stabbed her she would sometimes bleed
Now I think I’m a little wiser
Last time I almost died
Now I think and sniff around before I try to breed

credits

from Danthology Volume 1, released March 30, 2015

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Dan Abbott Oakland, California

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